Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Directed by Rick Rosenthal. Starring Bianca Kajlich, Busta Rhymes, Sean Patrick Thomas, Katee Sackhoff, Ryan Merriman, Tyra Banks, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Daisy McCrackin, Luke Kirby, Billy Kay, Jamie Lee Curtis, Brad Loree. [R]

You may be tempted to ask how ol’ Mikey is gonna earn that Resurrection sub-title this time, but you’re better off not wondering—the explanation is idiotic—and besides, it’s not like anything will ever kill this guy (not even anemic box office). After a pathetic opening sequence at a mental hospital that’s bound to enrage fans, a bunch of oversexed college students head for Michael Myers’ decrepit house to participate in a web-based reality show. Strictly an amateur hour cash-grab, with witless writing, incompetent direction, and a lineup of characters that can’t get axed fast enough: sordid wannabe lothario Nicholas, all-but-guaranteed “final girl” Kajlich (who the writers forgot to assign a personality and whose screams literally shatter glass), etc. Even its fundamental conception is a disaster considering how little the filmmakers even try to exploit their own gimmick! It’s easy to facepalm after witnessing Busta Rhymes “kung fu fighting” with the Shape, but even better is when (after being presumed dead) he bursts through the door and sneers, “Trick or treat, motherf—er!”—one gets the sense that he wasn’t supposed to enter the scene at all, but the director decided: screw it, just keep rolling. Provides some meager educational value: it apparently is possible to cleanly take someone’s head off with one swing of a kitchen knife.

6/100