Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Directed by Michael Pressman. Starring Paige Turco, Ernie Reyes Jr., David Warner, François Chau, Toshishiro Obata, Raymond Serra, (voices) Adam Carl, Robbie Rist, Laurie Faso, Brian Tochi, Kevin Clash, David McCharen. [PG]

The turtles are back, and so is Shredder, who gets his bladed hands on a scientist (Warner) and the same mutagen “ooze” that spawned the cowabunga crew and their whiskery sensei years earlier. Rubber-suited muggery, instantly-outdated slang, genteel martial arts, and gratuitous Vanilla Ice cameos ensue. Juvenile junk that’s borderline insulting to fans—the turtles fail to exhibit distinct personalities and don’t even attack enemies with their weapons anymore! (But there’s still a place for…“combat cold cuts!”) Unsuitable for anyone over the age of eleven (unless their shoe size exceeds their IQ). And remember: “Go, ninja, go, ninja, go!” Dedicated to the memory of Jim Henson.

15/100