Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

Directed by Ellory Elkayem. Starring David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Terra, Doug E. Doug, Leon Rippy, Rick Overton, Matt Czuchry, Eileen Ryan, Tom Noonan. [PG-13]

A plethora of spiders eat a bunch of toxic waste-exposed crickets and swell up to king-size bed proportions, wreak havoc in a small Arizona town. If the plot summary, title, poster, and presence of David Arquette isn’t enough of a tip-off, rest assured that this one has all eight of its feet in campy/cheesy territory; the problem is that it doesn’t go far enough in that goofy direction (it’s certainly not serious or scary). The script isn’t witty enough to be clever, nor outrageous enough to be pure schlock, nor focused enough to be satirical; similarly, the special effects should either be a lot better or a lot worse to work. Workmanlike direction doesn’t help much, either. Its overall effect is quite mild, a passable way to waste an hour-and-a-half watching giant arachnids stomp around, but most of its inspirations (Tremors, Arachnophobia, any number of 50s atomic monster rampage flicks, etc.) are more fun. Where’s John Goodman when you need him?

47/100