Endless Love (1981)

Directed by Franco Zeffirelli. Starring Martin Hewitt, Brooke Shields, Shirley Knight, Don Murray, James Spader, Richard Kiley, Beatrice Straight, Penelope Milford. [R]

Godawful teen romance melodrama of dangerous obsession and its overwrought repercussions, adapted from Scott Spencer’s popular same-named novel, but with alterations to the chronology and one key motivation so that the story loses all of its meaning! It’s slow, dreary, dumb, and too sensational to ever be taken seriously; the behavior of the girl’s initially permissive parents can be downright absurd (and, in one case, positively creepy), and as for the young lovebirds (Hewett and Shields, both terrible), other than the fact that they each prove capable of holding dopey far-off stares, nothing about their performances suggest there are any real feelings of dumbstruck yearning or cherished affection between them. (Plus, watching them pitch woo and paw at each other and regurgitate their goopy declarations is about as enticing as watching your parents in a porno.) Zeffirelli, who previously directed an adaptation of a different kiddie-love-gone-wrong tale (Romeo and Juliet), should’ve handed out the poison and daggers in the first scene. Also responsible for unleashing that Lionel Richie title tune abomination upon the world, the musical motif of which is used repeatedly throughout the movie, even when a house is burning to the ground…endless, indeed. Film debut for Spader, as well as—in a small part—Tom Cruise (wearing short jorts!). Remade in 2014.

6/100