Road House (1989)

Directed by Rowdy Herrington. Starring Patrick Swayze, Ben Gazzara, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, Kevin Tighe, Red West, Kathleen Wilhoite, Jeff Healey, Marshall Teague, John Doe, Julie Michaels, Lloyd Parker. [R]

Action trash “classic” with the number-one-ranked bouncer in the country (Swayze) taking a job at a Missouri roadside dive bar called the Double Deuce that’s being threatened by corrupt local businessman Gazzara and his witless goons. Swayze isn’t your run-of-the-mill tough guy, mind you; he has a Philosophy degree from NYU, which he uses so he can spout pearls of wisdom like, “Nobody ever wins a fight,” and, “Pain don’t hurt” (it’s certainly a step up from the statements delivered by the baddies, such as, “I used to f— guys like you in prison”). Still, he’ll roundhouse kick you when things get heavy, and when it gets really heavy, don’t be surprised if he literally rips out your throat. Stupendously stupid, but pretty enjoyable if the bad-movie mood strikes, and although the action is more arbitrary than exciting, you can’t say it doesn’t deliver what it promises (there’s a monster truck and some gratuitous shots of Swayze’s bare backside, which is all the boxes it needs to check). Will also satisfy most viewers’ expectations for 80s action flick homoeroticism by sheer virtue of the fact that Swayze has more sexual chemistry with grizzled friend and mentor Elliott than the statuesque blonde doctor played by Lynch as if she’s never earned any sort of degree at all, from NYU or otherwise. Produced by Joel Silver. Followed by a straight-to-video sequel in 2006, and an off-Broadway musical!

39/100