Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991)

Directed by Kazuki Ômori. Starring Kôsuke Toyohara, Anna Nakagawa, Katsuhiko Sasaki, Megumi Odaka, Akiji Kobayashi, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Kiwako Harada, Tokuma Nishioka, Robert Scott Field, Kenji Sahara, Chuck Wilson, Richard Berger, So Yamamura.

UFO’s, androids and time travel all figure into this ludicrous Godzilla feature—it’s not a bore, but it is far too cheesy, overstuffed, and all-over-the-map to work, and the plot hole-riddled story ceases making sense pretty early. Those who watch the dubbed version will be treated to plenty of line delivery howlers (among them: “You nuclear fanatics don’t know what you’ve created…this new Godzilla is unfriendly and will destroy your planet,” “There’s something I never got a chance to tell you: we’re related!” “Good…my boss,” and “Take that, you dinosaur!”); those who are not aficionados of cinematic cheese can simply wait patiently for the only thing worth looking out for: the appearance of Mecha-King Ghidorah. Before getting that “retool,” the script weirdly rewrites King Ghidorah’s origin as being a mutation of a trio of cuddly little monsters that look a little like Gremlins if they had been created by Jim Henson—um, merchandising, maybe? Anyone thinking the special effects and “suitmation” designs for a more contemporary Godzilla are going to rapidly improve should lower those expectations drastically. Generated some controversy for perceived anti-American bias, but how could anyone watching this nutty thing actually take any of it seriously?

34/100