Jonah Hex (2010)

Directed by Jimmy Hayward. Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Aidan Quinn, Michael Shannon, Lance Reddick, Wes Bentley, Tom Wopat. [PG-13]

Mindless, pointless Western actioner soaked in silliness and the supernatural (like Wild Wild West with a brooding anti-hero at the front); goes over-the-top often, presumably to wake up the audience who stopped trying to follow the patchy plot within five minutes. Brolin is the titular Confederate-soldier-turned-bounty-hunter, badly disfigured and infused with short-term resurrection powers, and he’s out for revenge against his former commanding officer (Malkovich) who wants to use a “nation-killer” superweapon to attack the capitol. A hollow experience that’s best avoided, but there’s so little here to latch onto that the experience is easily forgotten, too (minus credits, the movie doesn’t even last an hour-and-a-quarter). Not even a villainous turn from Malkovich can enliven this turkey—listen to how blandly disinterested his voice is when he utters the rote line, “Hex doesn’t know how to die; he’ll have to be educated.” As a gun-toting saloon whore (or, really, a 13-year-old boy’s fantasy of one), at least Fox doesn’t need to worry about being ogled non-stop because it’s hard to see through one’s fingers when her “performance” consistently inspires facepalms. Based on a DC Comics property. Music by Marco Beltrami and prog metal band Mastodon. Jeffrey Dean Morgan makes an uncredited appearance.

24/100