Ultraviolet (2006)

Directed by Kurt Wimmer. Starring Milla Jovovich, Nick Chinlund, Cameron Bright, William Fichtner, Sebastien Andrieu, David E. Collier. [PG-13]

It’s the future, there are heavy elements of plastic-sheen jackbooted dystopia, there’s some sort of disease going around causing people to turn into vampire-like superhumans, a boy who is the potential savior of mankind can fit into a briefcase-sized parcel, and some infected woman who can change the color of her hair and clothes like they’re mood rings and defy all laws of physics (especially gravity) is trying to save him. Or something. Unbelievably bad sci-fi actioner aims to make viewers’ jaws drop within the first sixty seconds (not in a good way) and leave them there until they stagger away from the rolling credits, discombobulated and depressed. Incomprehensible on just about every level (thematically, visually, logically, intellectually); demands should be made of just about everyone involved to find out just what they were thinking. Lone redeeming quality: there are a few colorfully designed rooms/landscapes that might make a decent screensaver. To no one’s astonishment, Wimmer has not directed another movie to date, though he’s written a few more crummy screenplays. Compared to this, Aeon Flux is a truly rousing success!

8/100