Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pamela Reed, Penelope Ann Miller, Richard Tyson, Linda Hunt, Carroll Baker, Cathy Moriarty, Christian & Joseph Cousins, Jayne Brook, Alix Koromzay, Richard Portnow. [PG-13]

Gruff L.A. cop Schwarzenegger, determined to lock up drug dealer/murderer Tyson, goes undercover as a teacher at an Oregon kindergarten to root out the student who’s secretly the crook’s son and convince the mother to testify…but first, he’s gotta take control of that classroom full of undisciplined kids. Slick but contrived high-concept comedy is a decent vehicle for its muscle-bound star, and his early scenes at the school generate flashes of humor (especially when barking at the unruly brats), but it ends up being a significant tonal misfire, periodically shifting gears into not only touchy-feely gooiness, but also some pretty rough scenes of peril and violence (for its targeted family audience, that is) as well as a red herring sub-plot involving child abuse. Schwarzenneger is sorta charming in a self-deprecating fashion, and Reed has a few good moments as his new police partner (the one with a teaching background who was supposed to fill in as the teacher before getting the stomach flu), but they’re poorly served by the predictable and scarcely credible plot—real teachers should be insulted by the fact that Ah-nuld’s amateur is shown dominating those kids within just a couple of days. Followed sixteen years later, absurdly enough, by a sequel starring Dolph Lundgren. Look for Angela Bassett as a stewardess.

48/100