Driven (2001)

Directed by Renny Harlin. Starring Sylvester Stallone, Kip Pardue, Til Schweiger, Robert Sean Leonard, Burt Reynolds, Estella Warren, Stacy Edwards, Gina Gershon, Cristián de la Fuente, Brent Briscoe. [PG-13]

Staggeringly awful racing melodrama sticks to the formula, throws in a handful of profitless sub-plots that go nowhere, and looks atrocious while doing it. Veteran Formula One racer Stallone comes out of retirement at paralyzed team owner Reynolds’ behest, but instead of mounting a comeback of his own, he’s nudged toward mentoring young driver Pardue so he can defeat Schweiger, the kid’s rival on the racetrack and for the affections of bland blonde Warren. Even those who can’t recognize the difference between IndyCar and MarioKart will be able to tell how laughably unrealistic its depiction of auto racing and mechanics are, and should one be capable of forgiving all the one-note characters/relationships and dialogue that thuds louder than the roaring engines and relentless song cues, it is still one heckuva just plain ugly movie to look at—a churning stew of amateurish titles and graphics, turbulent editing, imbecilic camera tricks and framing, and third-rate CG effects that would barely pass muster in a video game from the same era. Gained some small share of bad-movie notoriety for featuring a racecar joyride chase through downtown Chicago at nearly 200 mph, but even that probably doesn’t even crack the pic’s top five dumbest scenes (at least it provides a “punchline” where the drivers have to pay $25,000 fines, but otherwise go unpunished). Stallone also wrote the screenplay. Director Harlin and several real-life racecar drivers make cameo appearances.

9/100