On Deadly Ground (1994)

Directed by Steven Seagal. Starring Steven Seagal, Michael Caine, Joan Chen, John C. McGinley, R. Lee Ermey, Richard Hamilton, Shari Shattuck, Chief Irvin Brink, Mike Starr, Billy Bob Thornton. [R]

At the peak of his stardom, action star Seagal chose a wild hodgepodge of one-man-army violence and preachy eco-statement…and even decided to direct it himself! He plays a monotone “specialist” (fighting fires, corruption, mercenaries, whatever) in the employ of Caine’s over-the-top villain, an unscrupulous Alaskan oil company CEO who looks like he uses crude oil as hair product, but when Seagal discovers what Caine’s up to, he sets out to sabotage the bad guy’s operation and save the environment (by blowing up a sizable chunk of it). So sincere that it becomes condescending, Seagal never finds a way to tie together the disparate goals, and the script (credited to Ed Horowitz and Robin U. Russin) is littered with bad laughs. For Seagal fans who just want to see the star break some bones, they may grow restless during a mysticism-heavy second act that’s focused on his character’s “growth” through fever dreams, vision quests, spirit guides, etc., but bad movie aficionados can rest easy knowing it’s as laughable as any other part. And why bother with character details or background when the hero’s foes also serve as his hype-men, describing him as “the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire,” and warning naysayers to “delve down into the deepest bowels of your soul and try to imagine the ultimate f—ing nightmare…that won’t come close to this son of a bitch when he gets pissed.” Stay tuned for Seagal’s long, solution-free speech about protecting the Earth’s ecosystems from pollution during the epilogue (just kidding—don’t). It should probably go without saying that the star never directed another movie.

22/100