Fifty Shades Freed (2018)

Directed by James Foley. Starring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Eloise Mumford, Luke Grimes, Rita Ora, Amy Price-Francis, Brant Daugherty, Arielle Kebbel, Hiro Kanagawa, Tyler Hoechlin. [R]

Compared to the last two softcore-via-Ambien Fifty Shades outings, this third chapter actually moves on a few occasions, but where it’s moving is anyone’s guess. Married life turns out to be a mundane life for Ana and Christian, and their extracurricular skin shows are starting to feel both gratuitous and routine (a little handcuffing of the limbs is about as kinky as it gets). Instead of spicing things up in the “playroom,” the filmmakers instead treat the audience to unbridled flirtations from an architect (Kebbel), a low-stakes car chase, an unwanted pregnancy, a kidnapping, etc. Sure, it’s a touch more interesting than the drab yet unseemly relationship drama, but the film is missing a few ingredients needed to make any of this ludicrous nonsense involving (some manner of interior logic and a memorable antagonist certainly would’ve helped…). Ends less with a sense of closure than a shrug of disinterest; what has been gained from six hours of stultifying sub-eroticism other than the sense that being super rich is not in and of itself super exciting? A few actors from the earlier films (such as Marcia Gay Harden and Victor Rasuk) are limited to mere walk-ons, while Kim Basinger’s “Mrs. Robinson” rapist only appears briefly in the unrated cut.

21/100