Marry Me (2022)

Directed by Kat Coiro. Starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Lopez, John Bradley, Sarah Silverman, Chloe Coleman, Juan “Maluma” Luis Londoño Arias, Michelle Buteau, Stephen Wallem. [PG-13]

The pressures of fame evidently inspire baffling decisions. A shallow popstar (Lopez) who has a chart-topping collaboration (“Marry Me”) with fellow artist and fiancé Arias is set to get married onstage during one of her concerts, but upon discovering he’s been unfaithful moments before the ceremony begins, she chooses a random person in the audience to marry instead: a math teacher (Wilson) chaperoning his daughter to the show who (just as inexplicably) says yes! Getting past the ultra-contrived setup is too much to ask of discriminating viewers, and even those who can will be subjected to the sort of hokey, pre-packaged formula fairy tale that’s all surface and no heart, where behavior from all parties is dictated by a script that requires consistent ignorance and bad decision-making in order to keep wheezing along. Hard to enjoy even as high-calorie/low-nutrition fluff, since the star chemistry is dim, there’s not a single real laugh in sight, and the songs are as poor as they are plentiful. Inspired by a web comic created by Bobby Crosby and illustrated by Remy “Eisu” Mokhtar.

29/100