The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)

Directed by Woody Allen. Starring Woody Allen, Helen Hunt, Dan Aykroyd, Charlize Theron, David Ogden Stiers, Peter Gerety, John Schuck, Wallace Shawn, Brian Markinson, Elizabeth Berkley, Kaili Vernoff. [PG-13]

Woody plays a 1940s insurance investigator who clashes with a contemporary-minded efficiency expert (Hunt), but this isn’t a traditional battle-of-the-sexes throwback; instead, its a gimmicky, low-energy screwball farce where the leads are hypnotized by a crooked magician (Stiers) who uses trigger words to make them steal jewels for him! The period details are convincing in their Hollywood artificiality, and it inspires memories of old-fashioned movie classics (Double Indemnity is even directly referenced), but the script carries hardly any worthwhile zingers, the comic execution is mortuary, the criminal plot is too thin and bizarre to ever be believable beyond its already silly conceit, and the subplots attached to the central narrative like barnacles never pay off. The casting frequently misses the mark, too—Theron can’t get a grasp on a bombshell-adjacent character that makes no sense, Hunt inhabits a Rosalind Russell role without ever resembling Rosalind Russell, and Allen is all wrong for his part (it doesn’t even look like his suit fits him right). One of Woody’s weakest and most disposable efforts to date, but also his most expensive, believe it or not.

38/100