Crimson Tide (1995)

Directed by Tony Scott. Starring Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman, Viggo Mortensen, George Dzundza, Matt Craven, James Gandolfini, Danny Nucci, Rocky Carroll, Lillo Brancato Jr., Michael Milhoan, Jaime P. Gomez. [R]

Brinkmanship as a series of pissing contests in this über-macho naval programmer that pushes the world toward nuclear holocaust by putting the decision of whether or not to launch warheads in the hands of a ballistic missile sub commander (Hackman) and his XO (Washington). The battle of wills is all shouting, posturing, and four-letter-words, but the reliable old pros rarely fail to electrify onscreen, and this one’s no exception; can’t hold up to a lick of scrutiny, and its refusal to take sides does less to provide the ambiguity to fuel debate among filmgoers than it does to turn tail and run in face of the challenge (nukes away, boys!). Michael Schiffer’s screenplay is filled with chest-beating declamations that earn snickers, intentional or otherwise (“You don’t put a condom on unless you’re gonna f—!”), and it surrenders to the clumsy shortcut of having the officers and sailors repeatedly explaining rules and procedure to each other for the audience’s benefit. Shiny toys and manly sweat aplenty, machine-tooled as skillful commercial entertainment, but it rings a bit hollow, and most of the suspense is dampened by the foregone conclusion. Quentin Tarantino went uncredited for his contributions in punching up some of the dialogue; Jason Robards similarly went unbilled for his cameo at the end, while Steve Zahn, Daniel von Bargen, and Ryan Phillippe have bit parts.

65/100