Ghost Rider (2007)

Directed by Mark Steven Johnson. Starring Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Sam Elliott, Wes Bentley, Peter Fonda, Donal Logue, David Roberts, Matt Long, Brett Cullen, Raquel Alessi. [PG-13]

Motorcycle stunt rider Johnny Blaze (sure) sells his soul to Mephistopheles (Fonda) to get rid of the cancer that’s killing his father, but that tricky demon still lets the old-timer die on the job. Years later, Mephistopheles strikes a new bargain with Blaze (Cage)—become a fiery, supernatural bounty hunter known as Ghost Rider and defeat his renegade son (Bentley), and he’ll return the dupe’s soul. Muddled, mopey comic book adaptation employs a tsunami of cartoonish visual effects to try and generate excitement, but only inspires bad laughs and yawns…and, well, a lot of questions. Among them: 1) Why cast Cage if he’s going to stifle his charisma, mumble his lines, and “disappear into post-production effects” when the anti-hero jumps to action? 2) Did anyone ever stop to say that maybe Ghost Rider’s flaming skull shouldn’t look like a computer-generated 3D model from a video game? 3) Couldn’t the director have filmed the death of Johnny’s dad as something other than a middling afterthought? 4) Is anyone really supposed to believe that Cage and lackluster love interest Mendes are about the same age? 5) Why do the pathetic villains look (and randomly pose in the background) like rejected Blade bloodsuckers on their way to audition for Twilight? 6) How can the flaming skull whistle without lips? 7) Why did Mendes bring a Magic 8-Ball on a date? 8) Why is Marvel so obsessed with alliterative character names that they thought it was a good idea to name Johnny’s dad “Barton Blaze”? 9) In playing Johnny’s grizzled mentor, did Elliott negotiate to get paid by the number of times he says the word “legend”? 10) Wait…this piece of junk was granted a sequel?

26/100