Deadfall (1993)

Directed by Christopher Coppola. Starring Michael Biehn, Sarah Trigger, Nicolas Cage, James Coburn, Angus Scrimm, Charlie Sheen, Peter Fonda, Michael Constantine, Gigi Rice, Talia Shire, Ron Taylor. [R]

Phantasm’s Tall Man with a robotic scissor hand? Why, this must be some demented horror movie, right? Nope, it’s another filmmaking relative of Francis Ford Coppola trying his hand at conman crime noir, and “Angus Scissorhand” is hardly the most absurd thing to find in this movie. This relentlessly self-conscious film plays out with conman Biehn accidentally killing his father (Coburn) in a grift-gone-wrong, hooking up with an uncle he’s never met before (also played by Coburn), and getting involved in a new scam. There’s a femme fatale, of course, and roles of varying sizes for a far more interesting supporting cast than the movie deserves, but the storytelling is awkwardly stilted and confusing, and the dialogue—including Biehn’s dreadful narration—is just a lot of hardboiled grist (example: “Leave the past to people who are stuck there”). This turkey has one—and only one—thing worth seeing: Cage’s performance as a hustler flunky, so unhinged that he threatens to devour (or cut up and snort) the entire set every time he appears on camera. For those who want to marvel at his indescribable madness, it may be worth it for the bad laughs; all others, don’t bother.

11/100