No Holds Barred (1989)

Directed by Thomas J. Wright. Starring Hulk Hogan, Kurt Fuller, Joan Severance, Charles Levin, David Paymer, Tommy “Tiny” Lister, Mark Pellegrino, Bill Henderson. [PG-13]

The Hulkster’s first major movie role (after an extended walk-on seven years earlier in Rocky III) finds him playing Rip, a—what else?—pro wrestler with legions of fans. A greedy network head played by a way over-the-top Fuller wants to profit off that popularity, but when Rip refuses to sell out, he recruits a mad-dog ex-con (Lister) to challenge the star in the ring…because this is an upside-down world where “rasslin’” is actually real. (He also sends “spy” Severance to seduce him, but come on, who can resist Hogan’s bulging musculature and ample charms?) A preposterous live-action cartoon fantasy through and through, it will only be appreciated by those who unironically love the Hulkster, or those who get a kick out of unabashedly cheeseball-dumb movies with less subtlety than a Three Stooges short; its low, low aim includes such exchanges as: “What’s that smell?” snarls Rip; “Dookie,” whines his victim. As such, I can’t recommend it, but I also can’t say I was bored or unamused. A handful of popular pro wrestling figures, from announcer/host Gene Okerlund to wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura, make cameo appearances.

37/100