Stone Cold (1991)

Directed by Craig R. Baxley. Starring Brian Bosworth, Lance Henriksen, Arabella Holzbog, Sam McMurray, William Forsythe, Richard Gant, Evan James, Gregory Scott Cummins, Robert Winley, David Tress. [R]

Let the arguments rage on: was Brian “the Boz” Bosworth a bigger bust as an NFL player or as a Hollywood actor? He was certainly better-suited to be a linebacker, but there were expectations for him in that field, while no one with half-a-brain thought this experiment would pay off (his next action movie vehicle would be helmed by Kurt Wimmer and co-starred MC Hammer, ‘nuff said). The odiously-coiffed Boz plays a tough cop who goes undercover as a rebel biker named John Stone so he can infiltrate and take down a white supremacist biker gang led by impulsive Henriksen (crafting a more entertaining villain than the film deserves). Action movie veteran Baxley handles the stunts and explosions well enough—and there are plenty of the latter since this movie makes the dubious argument that motorcycles are almost as combustible as nitroglycerin—but Walter Doniger’s screenplay is brain-dead even by the testosterone-fueled formula standards, and Bosworth has no charisma onscreen; his perpetually-confused expression makes it look like he’s always trying to divide 26,117 by the letter Q. I wonder if anyone paused to consider that, other than all of ‘em getting blown away by the end, the villains actually achieved their murderous goal during the climax, giving them something of a Pyrrhic victory? Nah…no one involved in this movie ever paused to consider anything. Executive producer Michael Douglas(!) sagely declined onscreen credit.

30/100