Commando (1985)

Directed by Mark L. Lester. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dan Hedaya, Vernon Wells, Alyssa Milano, David Patrick Kelly, James Olson, Bill Duke, Charles Meshack. [R]

Schwarzenegger is one-man-army John Matrix, an ex-Special Forces officer whose daughter (Milano) is kidnapped by mercenaries working for a deposed South American dictator (Hedaya) who orders Matrix to assassinate his rival if he ever wants to see the girl alive again. Instead of doing that, Matrix tracks down the bad guy in his island hideout and mows down wave after wave of enemy soldiers in broad daylight. Macho bubblegum programmer is about as clever as a boulder, but a knowing sense of humor and absence of political messaging helps it go down easier. As a potential guilty pleasure, it’s the shortage of pleasures that stings—there’s plenty of gunfire, explosions, and rippling muscles, but it’s empty spectacle and stunts with very little real excitement. Nevertheless, where else are you going to find Ah-nuld feeding a woodland deer or paddling a boat in a skimpy swimsuit, or a wild-eyed contemporary heavy (Wells) wearing a faux-chainmail vest? When the time comes for “Chainmail Charlie” and Matrix to go toe-to-toe, the film demonstrates an unexpected scientific fact: after getting electrocuted, a person actually emerges refreshed and ready to kick more butt! Look for Bill Paxton in a bit part as an air traffic controller.

50/100