Slipstream (2005)

Directed by David van Eyssen. Starring Sean Astin, Vinnie Jones, Ivana Miličević, Kevin Otto, Verity Jones, Victoria Bartlett, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Thorsten Wedekind, Grant Swanby. [R]

Pitiful half-baked sci-fi action heist nonsense with a time travel device complicating an armed robbery involving a scientist (Astin) who can’t talk science, a pair of incompetent FBI agents (Miličević, Otto), and a criminal crew led by Jones and his loud-but-vacuous swagger. Not the worst premise around, though more than a little derivative and more than a lot malnourished and aimless. The production and direction are third-rate at best, with the action scenes being especially embarrassing, full of pointless camera zooms and rapidly alternating film speeds trying in vain to make shots of actors standing around stiffly firing hundreds of blanks at each other look vaguely exciting. Astin sets out trying to “Groundhog Day romance” a bank teller, but he’s so awkward that he just comes off as creepy; at least his opening narration is such pretentious twaddle, most discriminating viewers will be chased away before the “story” even begins. Van Eyssen’s first and only feature directorial effort, and it’s not hard to guess why.

13/100