Artemis Fowl (2020)

Directed by Kenneth Branagh. Starring Josh Gad, Ferdia Shaw, Lara McDonnell, Judi Dench, Nonso Anozie, Tamara Smart, Colin Farrell, Hong Chau, Nikesh Patel. [PG]

Shaw is Artemis Fowl, a brilliant twelve-year-old descended from a long line of brilliant criminal masterminds (so brilliant that he can somehow defeat a chess champion in five moves); after his father (Farrell) is kidnapped, he goes searching and discovers a hidden world of trolls, dwarves, fairies, and other fantastical creatures. Expensive but unimpressive-looking would-be franchise starter gets off on the wrong foot by making its young “hero” a smug twerp, then plunges into a whirlwind of world-building and mythology and uninvolving juvenile action scenes. Too jumbled, overstuffed, and frenetic, without a single well-developed character or a story thread that’s not awkward and half-baked. As a raspy-voiced fairy commander, Dench looks pained delivering some of her lines, wearing what looks like a ten-dollar leprechaun Halloween costume throughout the movie. As a felonious dwarf, Gad gets a few amusing moments, which is pretty much the lone bright spot in this turgid tripe. Based on a young adult fantasy novel by Eoin Colfer. Took almost two decades of development and delays to finally complete this movie; producers should have kept waiting until at least there was a script worth using.

24/100