Seventh Son (2014)

Directed by Sergei Bodrov. Starring Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, Alicia Vikander, Julianne Moore, Antje Traue, Olivia Williams, Djimon Hounsou, Kit Harrington. [PG-13]

Monster-hunting knight Bridges takes on a new apprentice (Barnes) to track down and slay big, bad witch Moore. Generic fantasy tripe with no story or characters to latch onto, a protagonist so bland it’s easy to forget what he even looks like scene-to-scene (besides “vaguely handsome”), uninspired vision and design, and yet another wretchedly chaotic jumble of bad effects and erratic editing pretending to be an exciting climactic battle. Cast has over a dozen Oscar nominations (and three wins) among them, but no one gets a real character to play—Bridges dips into his eccentric codger playbook (unfortunately, the previous performance of his it most closely resembles is the one from the dreadful R.I.P.D.), Moore vamps lifelessly, Vikander looks appropriately bored, and Hounsou is saddled with yet another small, thankless role in a CGI-heavy action movie. It feels like Bridges’ character utters the phrase “seventh son of a seventh son” almost as many times as Bruce Dickinson…a drinking game, perhaps, to stave off the boredom?

27/100