Beaches (1988)

Directed by Garry Marshall. Starring Bette Midler, Barbara Hershey, John Heard, James Read, Grace Johnston, Lainie Kazan, Spalding Gray, Mayim Bialik, Marcie Leeds. [PG-13]

Widely-panned but popular schamltz-fest, from a “beach read” bestseller by Iris Rainer Dart, depicting the meeting of two eleven-year-old girls on the Atlantic City boardwalk—the flamboyant one has dreams of becoming a star, the reserved one is a sophisticated heiress—and the trials and tribulations they suffer together and separately over many years. It’s supposed to be about a poignant, decades-spanning friendship—that’s how it was sold, that’s how it was bought—but the leading ladies spend as much time apart as together, and when they do share the screen, they fight and cry and fight and cry. As for the pic’s effect as a shameless tearjerker, wouldn’t it have been better if the tragedy wasn’t telegraphed from the very beginning? Or if Mary Agnes Donoghue’s script didn’t condescend to the audience at every turn? These are shallow, underdeveloped, improperly-motivated characters, and Hershey’s boring performance is doubtlessly a byproduct of being saddled with such a boring character, but why is Midler so one-note as well? Her actress/singer part was inspired by Cher, who novelist Dart worked with on “The Sonny and Cher Show”, so at least Bette gets to sing a few tunes, including “Wind Beneath My Wings”, but I’ll let my opinion on that one be an echo of George Costanza’s. If for nothing else, credit is due the spot-on casting of then-unknown Mayim Bialik as a young Midler. Remade for cable TV in 2017, and adapted for the stage a few years before that. Expected cameo from Héctor Elizondo (as a justice of the peace) in this Garry Marshall production doesn’t elicit much joy.

31/100