Mother’s Day (2016)

Directed by Garry Marshall. Starring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis, Kate Hudson, Sarah Chalke, Timothy Olyphant, Margo Martindale, Robert Pine, Britt Robertson, Shay Mitchell, Julia Roberts, Jack Whitehall, Aasif Mandvi, Cameron Esposito, Héctor Elizondo. [PG-13]

Garry Marshall’s final film is yet another construction paper mosaic of haphazardly-connected story contrivances; his last two pictures, the star-studded crap-fests Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve, followed the same shameless holiday-themed blueprint. Star power is dimmer here (Julia Roberts cashes another multi-million dollar check for a few days work, but I’d hesitate to say anyone else here is a true A-lister), and the writing and direction are just as feeble, which is plenty. The gadget holding this tiresome patchwork together—Mother’s Day—hardly even figures into the storylines, which merely introduce various mothers going through a litany of limp crises. I couldn’t say which one is the “best” since it’d be like preferring E. coli food poisoning to botulism, but I know which one is the worst: sisters Hudson and Chalke hiding their personal lives (one is married to a lesbian, the other to an Indian) from their conservative parents, which leads to a crowded sub-sitcom scene of “discovery” so heinous and false, my mouth fell open. “Ted Lasso” fans may be tempted to tune in to watch Jason Sudeikis since he plays a soccer coach here, too, but three minutes of this dreck would turn even eternal-optimist Ted into Oscar the Grouch. His character’s deceased wife is played by Jennifer Garner in a cameo; Jon Lovitz also has a small role.

13/100