Junior (1994)

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson, Pamela Reed, Frank Langella, Judy Collins, Aida Turturro, James Eckhouse. [PG-13]

Ah-nuld plays a scientist (sure) who partners with OB/GYN DeVito to test an experimental fertility drug…on himself. And wouldn’t you know it, it works, and Schwarzenegger becomes pregnant. And wouldn’t you know it, he decides to keep it. Perfectly dreadful one-note comedy is loaded with pregnancy and gender jokes that almost always land with a thud since there’s no canned laugh-track to buttress them; then it actually gets all touchy-feely in the back half by suggesting that he’s becoming a better and more sensitive person because of the experience. Flimsy plot includes a completely superfluous villain played by Frank Langella whose only purpose is to waste Frank Langella; they also waste Emma Thompson, who plays a fellow scientist occasionally portrayed as a klutz for no apparent reason besides cheap laughs, but she at least brings a little sparkle and warmth to the role because she’s Emma Thompson. In fact, all the actors do their best, but when the concept and writing (by Kevin Wade and Chris Conrad) is this bad, nothing can be done besides cringe and wait for the credits to roll; only the most patient and lenient will get there, however—everyone else will storm right out after the “my body, my choice” quip.

29/100