Valley of the Kings (1954)

Directed by Robert Pirosh. Starring Robert Taylor, Eleanor Parker, Carlos Thompson, Kurt Kasznar, Leon Askin, Aldo Silvani, Victor Jory.

Turgid adventure movie with a tough archaeologist (Taylor) exploring ancient Egyptian tombs, but don’t go in expecting Indiana Jones (heck, you won’t even find the “tomb raider”, Lara Croft). He joins Parker on an expedition to uncover the truth behind biblical tales of Joseph, but comes to regret it fast—not because of danger, but because he learns she’s married (yep, he’s that kinda swell guy). Contrived plotting, boring action, tepid romance, and two-dimensional characters spoil whatever pleasures Robert Surtees’ dramatic Technicolor photography and Miklós Rózsa’s score should have provided. Based on anecdotes from the troubled production, a documentary about the making of this melodrama would almost certainly be more interesting than the fictional fizzle they handed in. First Hollywood film to make its world premiere in Egypt, with simultaneous screenings in Cairo and Alexandria.

37/100