Home on the Range (2004)

Directed by Will Finn & John Sanford. Starring (voices) Roseanne Barr, Judi Dench, Jennifer Tilly, Cuba Gooding Jr., Randy Quaid, Charles Haid, Charles Dennis, Carole Cook, Joe Flaherty, Richard Riehle, Steve Buscemi, G. W. Bailey. [PG]

In order to save their farm from foreclosure, a trio of cows try to track down an infamous cattle rustler and turn him in for the bounty. Did I mention one of the cows is voiced by Roseanne Barr and the cattle rustler hypnotizes steers by yodeling? Do I need to mention this is the worst animated theatrical movie from Disney to date? I don’t even know who it’s for—the broad humor and cartoonish storytelling are clearly aimed at kids, but the jokes themselves are for slow-witted adults who love dead-air stand-up comic quips (“What is this, the frozen food section?” “Yeah, they’re real, quit staring!” etc.), references to old gangster movies, and the “got milk” slogan. The voice acting either wastes the performer (why is Judi Dench here?) or comes across as utterly obnoxious (Barr and Cuba Gooding Jr. especially)…or, as these writers would no doubt declare, “udderly obnoxious”, get it?? Some of the bright animation and character designs are appealing, but the visuals are inconsistent overall. Alan Menken’s songs are shockingly terrible, and despite running just 70 minutes (minus end credits), the pic feels way too long. I’d be tempted to make a “cowpie” joke in summary, but, boy, what if I’m not as witty as what ended up in the screenplay? Said script was penned by the directors, veterans of several earlier Disney features as writers and/or animators. A few recognizable voices can be heard in minor parts, such as Dennis Weaver and a pair of “Seinfeld” alumni, Patrick Warburton and Estelle Harris.

33/100