The Ice Pirates (1984)

Directed by Stewart Rafill. Starring Robert Urich, Mary Crosby, Michael D. Roberts, John Matsuzak, Anjelica Huston, Ron Perlman, Bruce Vilanch, Natalie Core, John Carradine, Ian Abercrombie, Jeremy West, Rockne Tarkington, Alan Caillou. [PG]

In a distant future where water is an extremely valuable commodity, Urich’s band of space pirates raid starcruisers for their precious ice, and after kidnapping a princess (Crosby) during one such attack, a twist of fate results in her hiring him to help find her father. Tongue-in-cheek swashbuckling space opera has promising ingredients, but Rafill’s clumsy direction and the limited budget spoils any chance of it succeeding as anything better than a lazy afternoon laffer. Instead of a cohesive narrative, the script throws in all manner of random trope-beholden absurdities (co-writer Stanford Sherman also penned Krull, so no surprise there); why should the filmmakers try to make any sense of it when they can instead put Bruce Vilanch onscreen for way too long, and then pause the “story” for one of the most ludicrous love scenes the genre has ever produced? Has a minor cult following.

39/100