80 for Brady (2023)

Directed by Kyle Marvin. Starring Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Sally Field, Rita Moreno, Rob Corddry, Alex Moffat, Harry Hamlin, Glynn Turman, Bob Balaban, Tom Brady, Ron Funches, Guy Fieri, Billy Porter, Andy Richter, Sara Gilbert. [PG-13]

Four elderly best gal-pals (played by seasoned pros Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Sally Field, and Rita Moreno) have been loud and proud fans of the New England Patriots ever since they happened upon a television broadcast showing second-year QB Tom Brady come in for the injured Drew Bledsoe, and all four of them became instantly enamored with the future superstar. Fifteen years later, they get their hands on Super Bowl tickets and head for Houston to watch Tom and the team take on the Atlanta Falcons (do I need to tell you hijinks ensue?). Labored, exasperatingly unfunny vanity project with a twist, the twist being he/she whose vanity is being appealed to is often left “holding the clipboard”, as the football jargon goes. That these four actors are still this spry, sharp and peppy at their advanced ages (ranging between 75 and 90) is Exhibit A in their eventual trial for witchcraft, but the smorgasbord of low, low-rent situations and quirks they’re handed here is nothing sort of an embarrassment. Did the filmmakers think, “We got some talented old broads and a golden boy, how can we screw this up?” and farm out the heavy lifting to the cheapest, most creatively-bankrupt firm they could find? Let’s watch one of ‘em win Guy Fieri’s chicken wing eating contest, and let’s have one of ‘em write Rob Gronkowski-themed erotica, and wouldn’t it be hilarious if one of ‘em gets unknowingly loaded on edibles? The script (by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins) can’t even get history right, as it includes a cringe-worthy scene where the women infiltrate the Patriots’ coordinator booth and give Brady a pep talk through his helmet ear piece, suggesting the team’s come-from-behind victory that day was because of Brady rallying the troops, and not because the Falcons and their coaching staff facilitated a historic choke-job. Thankfully, he’s barely in the movie until the last twenty minutes or so, but as an actor, Tom Brady can’t even hit the “heights” of Fieri, so only a Pats super-fan will find any of this tolerable (those who merely love the actresses will be left feeling malnourished and dissatisfied). Brady co-produced—no surprise—while Oscar-winner John Toll handled the prosaic photography—something of a surprise.

24/100