The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)

Directed by George Stevens. Starring Max von Sydow, José Ferrer, David McCallum, Gary Raymond, Charlton Heston, Claude Rains, Dorothy Mcguire, Telly Savalas, Roddy McDowall, Joanna Dunham, Martin Landau, Michael Anderson Jr., Joseph Schildkraut, Donald Pleasence, Robert Loggia, numerous “guest stars”. [G]

Greatest? Not even close. Plenty have referred to it as The Longest Story Ever Told, however, which is far more astute. It is, of course, the life story of Jesus Christ, inspired by the same-named book by Fulton Ourster and Henry Denker (itself obviously based on the New Testament), and everything is treated in such pious and sacred terms that all humanity and passion have been squeezed right out. To anyone not in the choir being preached to—and possibly a good number of those in the congregation—it’s an astonishingly inert telling, where even the scenery and physical production elements are spoiled by gloomy, uninvolving visuals. Director Stevens switches between reverently dull closeups of immobile faces and wide shots so indistinct you can hardly tell who’s who—blink a few times too many and the only way you’d know Charlton Heston was playing John the Baptist is because his voice is so recognizable. And as far as all-star casting is concerned, Heston is one of the least troublesome additions, as a parade of cameos feebly distracts from the static drama: hey, look, there’s Sidney Poitier! Is that Pat Boone playing what’s supposed to be a herald from God? John Wayne as a centurion, whaaat?? Released at varying lengths over the years, some exceeding four hours, but most somewhere between three and three-and-a-half (feels way longer, too). David Lean and Jean Negulesco made uncredited directorial contributions.

35/100