Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Directed by Michael Bay. Starring Mark Wahlberg, Laura Haddock, Anthony Hopkins, Isabela Moner, Jerrod Carmichael, Josh Duhamel, Santiago Cabrera, John Turturro, Tony Hale, Glenn Morshower, Stanley Tucci, (voices) Jim Carter, Peter Cullen, Gemma Chan, John Goodman, Omar Sy, Ken Watanabe, Frank Welker, Steve Buscemi. [PG-13]

Mark Wahlberg’s character name is still Cade Yaeger, and in this latest long, long, so very long chapter in the depressing Transformers saga, he works with the guardian (Hopkins) of a secret society called the Order of Witwiccans (gee, could it have something to do with Shia LaBeouf’s Sam Witwicky from the earlier movies?) and gets a bookish babe for a sorta-partner/love interest in Laura Haddock’s “British Angelina Jolie” (so…Lara Croft with far fewer guns and a better accent?) while getting stuck in the middle of yet another giant space-robot war. Oh, and the Autobots/Decepticons are now tied into even more moments of human history, both fictional (the King Arthur story, replete with Stanley Tucci playing Merlin instead of that preening rich guy he played in Age of Extinction) and “factual” (they killed Hitler, I think). You wanna see Stonehenge pointlessly desecrated? Neither do I. I am so tired of this and don’t want to play anymore. Final outing to date directed by Michael Bay, although he’d stick around as a producer in future entries, starting with 2018’s Bumblebee.

4/100