Bad Boys II (2003)

Directed by Michael Bay. Starring Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union, Jordi Mollà, Joe Pantoliano, Theresa Randle, Peter Stormare, Jon Seda, Otto Sanchez. [R]

Excruciating sequel insults the intelligence of everyone involved, either onscreen or watching in a darkened theater; so dreary, ugly and repellent that there’s nothing to enjoy even on a sub-intellectual level. Miami police detectives Smith and Lawrence truly earn that “bad boy” nickname this time, gleefully destroying everything in their path and behaving obnoxiously to anyone in their vicinity; the playful swagger of their banter was one of the more enjoyable parts of its predecessor, but here it’s not only forced and unfunny, but also just plain mean at times. With Téa Leoni wisely not returning, the female “third wheel” here is Union, Lawrence’s sister and Smith’s love interest, an undercover DEA agent who is devoid of charm and doesn’t know how to hold a gun before firing it (but at least looks good being bland and incompetent?); Mollà’s sinister drug lord is as forgettable a villain as they come. And talk about bad taste in the escalation department: first there’s an overlong car chase where driverless cars fall off a truck in the direction of the “heroes” and dozens of innocents and fellow cops are definitely killed; then there’s an overlong car chase where cadavers fall off a truck in the direction of the “heroes” and they run them over, limbs and heads popping off like champagne corks; then there’s an overlong car chase where the heroes hoot and holler while devastating a Cuban shantytown (where shacks repeatedly explode in a fireball whenever touched for some reason). Asking for restraint in a carnage-fueled blockbuster is a foolhardy endeavor, but did it have to be such a visually incoherent eyesore? Best available theory: the filmmakers had a grudge against the Miami tourism industry.

14/100