Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

Directed by George Barry. Starring Demene Hall, Rosa Luxemburg, Julie Ritter, Dave Marsh, William Russ, Ed Oldani, Dessa Stone, (voice) Patrick Spence-Thomas.

The title is about the only good thing in this mind-numbingly bizarre, pretentious rubbish; how could a movie about a bed that eats people be so deathly dull? Despite the frequent sound of munching and crunching on the soundtrack, the killer bed (possessed by a demon, of course) simply secretes an insulation foam-type substance and dissolves its victims in a vat of acid (inside the mattress?) that looks like elementary school orange drink. The first time it does this, mildly amusing; as is a bit where the bed consumes a bottle of Pepto Bismol. But it does this again, and again, and again, and again, with an immortal artist trapped behind a painting providing droning, aimless narration. Characters with no personalities wander in and out of the “story,” technical details are (naturally) risible, and the deadening tone is pseudo-profound flatulence. If you’re looking for cheesy, grisly fun from a movie about a bed with a ravenous appetite for human flesh, stay far, far away, because the writer/director isn’t interested in entertainment value—he clearly thought he was creating a work of art (he wasn’t). Went unreleased for almost three decades (for good reason); has inspired something of a cult following, but so did Jim Jones.

3/100