The Polar Express (2004)

Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Starring (voices) Tom Hanks, Daryl Sabara, Nona Gaye, Jimmy Bennett, Eddie Deezen, Isabella Peregrina, Michael Jeter, Dylan Cash, Chris Coppola. [G]

Unavailing adaptation of Chris Van Allsburg’s famed children’s book, using motion capture animation to populate an animated fantasy world bridging a Michigan suburb with a vision of Santa’s workshop at the North Pole. Our unnamed young protagonist (Sabara) is startled to discover that a magical train known as The Polar Express has made a stop just outside his house, ready to pick him up and send him on an adventure he won’t soon forget. The source material has been greatly expanded (at times, just plain padded), and there are moments where wonder and joy might have snuck right in…except that the visuals are a disaster, designed to look like flat illustrations come to hideously unconvincing life, full of cartoonish people with soulless eyes. A few isolated vistas and the “rollercoaster ride” sequences are the only times it’s not uncomfortable to look at, and in case one thinks that they can just enjoy the auditory experience, take note that one of the kids is voiced by Eddie Deezen (and, boy, howdy, does that voice not sound right coming out of a toe-headed twerp). Steven Tyler cameos as a rock n’ rollin’ elf, and it’s just as embarrassing as it sounds (“Rockin’ on top of the world!”). Alan Silvestri’s score sounds distractingly similar to the one composed by John Debney for a different Christmas movie the prior year (Elf). Jeter gets a dedication to his memory as this was his final film role.

30/100