Staying Alive (1983)

Directed by Sylvester Stallone. Starring John Travolta, Cynthia Rhodes, Finola Hughes, Steve Inwood, Julie Bovasso, Norma Donaldson, Charles Ward. [PG]

Who the heck thought this was a good idea? Tony Manero (Travolta), barely resembling the character first portrayed in Saturday Night Fever, desperately wants to be an actor/dancer on Broadway, hopping in and out of bed with both backup dancer Rhodes (his endlessly patient and forgiving not-quite-girlfriend) and lead dancer Hughes (a callous and dismissive vamp) before landing the star role of an insipidly extravagant Broadway production called “Satan’s Alley.” Hardly any plot and even less character, just a bunch of flashy dance scenes tethered together by the creakiest of clichés. Stallone—who preposterously directed, co-wrote, and co-produced this thing—can’t bring anything to those dance scenes besides a suffocating layer of moldy cheese; the dancing is chopped up in the editing room so relentlessly that there’s no sense of rhythm or fluid movement, just sweaty acrobatics caged in fire, smoke and laser effects. Even when performed onstage where the dancers should be playing to the crowd instead of each other, it just looks likes a bunch of bad music video close-ups and camera tricks. Soundtrack includes several Bee Gees songs like its predecessor (including a reprise of the title tune at the very end), as well as a bunch of tunes written by and/or performed by Stallone’s brother, Frank…which may explain why Sly was involved with this turkey in the first place. Kurtwood Smith makes a brief appearance; try to spot Patrick Swayze as a backup dancer, and Stallone in a walk-on.

14/100