The First Wives Club (1996)

Directed by Hugh Wilson. Starring Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dan Hedaya, Stephen Collins, Maggie Smith, Marcia Gay Harden, Victor Garber, Bronson Pinchot, Elizabeth Berkley, Eileen Heckart, Jennifer Dundas, Timothy Olyphant. [PG-13]

Shrill comedy about a trio of middle-aged women, old friends from their college days, who come together after the fourth member of their former crew (Stockard Channing in a cameo) commits suicide—what a setup for a laffer! Upset about their ex-husbands leaving them for younger “replacements,” the three ladies decide that payback is in order, not just for them but for jilted and mistreated women the world over. Based on Olivia Goldsmith’s bestseller, Robert Harling’s script is remarkably thin and underplotted—the revenge they plan is so lacking in complication it almost feels like an afterthought—despite being overcrowded with characters and halfhearted subplots; this might be forgivable if the zingers zing, but they don’t. The three lead actresses, all born within two months of each other, celebrated each of their 50th birthdays during production; Midler and Keaton both seem to think that loud is funny (Keaton screams more than the average co-ed in a slasher film), and although Hawn fares better, she still only manages two or three amusing moments to break up the dire tedium. That gratuitous splashy performance of Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me” hit at the end is an endurance test not to be attempted lightly, but perhaps its greatest sin is completely wasting Maggie Smith (in a blonde wig!). A slew of cameos are on hand, ranging from Heather Locklear to Kathie Lee Gifford; Jon Stewart is likely very grateful that his small role ended up on the cutting room floor.

31/100