Real Men (1987)

Directed by Dennis Feldman. Starring Jim Belushi, John Ritter, Bill Morey, Barbara Barrie, Isa Jank, Gail Barle, Dyanne Thorne, Mark Herrier, Charles Walker. [PG-13]

The movie may be called Real Men, but no one in this poor excuse for an action-comedy even resembles a real human being. CIA agent Belushi drags a milquetoast wimp (Ritter) along for a secret mission involving bringing aliens a glass of water to save a mankind (no, you read that right, so unless you smell toast, you don’t have to worry about having just suffered a stroke). Starts out very confusing—and not in an intriguing fashion that encourages analysis and guessing—and manages to get dumber as it becomes clearer. Though neither star does anything resembling an engaging performance (Ritter’s reactions are especially sluggish and stiff), most blame rests on scribe Feldman, making an inauspicious debut as director, too (his lone outing), who does nothing for the inert story, unfunny jokes, and shoddy action. Throws in transgender and BDSM “gags” and random clown attacks to try and spice things up, but, no. Might have worked better if Belushi was actually a loony/liar about the bizarre sci-fi premise, or if the leads had decent buddy movie rapport, or if there were laughs somewhere in the movie, or if the movie simply went unwatched.

21/100