Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)

Directed by Gary Nelson. Starring Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones, Robert Donner, Henry Silva, Martin Rabbet, Doghmi Larbi, Aileen Marson, Cassandra Peterson, Rory Kilalea. [PG]

Tedious sequel to the bombastically silly King Solomon’s Mines was filmed on the cheap at the same time, and is worse in pretty much every conceivable way (even the music, which went from a lively Jerry Goldsmith score to a Michael Linn concoction that sounds cribbed from an episode of “MacGyver”). This time, Quatermain (Chamberlain) and his irritating fiancée (Stone) venture out into Africa to search for his missing brother, a mythical “lost white tribe,” and a fabled city of gold. Same as the first outing, Chamberlain is okay in the “bargain-bin Indiana Jones” role, obviously recognizing the campy schlock that surrounds him and playing into it, while the rest of the cast leans on easy stereotypes, shrieking histrionics, and the shrillest of racially-insensitive characteristics (Donner’s greedy Indian inspires many-a-cringe); playing Quatermain’s brother is Rabbet, who was Chamberlain’s partner in real life at the time, which explains why they share more meaningful moon-eyed glances than the fictional romantic couple. Jones, in the “noble savage” role, looks like he wandered in after Conan the Barbarian wrapped and brought with him a shiny axe that he found at a costume shop. Fans of campy junk could find the occasional bits of idiotic fun in Mines, but this time around, it’s a bore from the start.

16/100