Murphy’s Law (1986)

Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Starring Charles Bronson, Kathleen Wilhoite, Carrie Snodgress, Richard Romanus, Robert F. Lyons, Bill Henderson, Angel Tompkins, James Luisi, Lawrence Tierney. [R]

The Murphy’s law adage dictates that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong, so it should go without saying that everything will soon go wrong for anyone foolish enough to start watching this movie. Bronson plays his most “comfortable” late-career role—the reserved and hard-bitten veteran police detective—who gets framed for murder by a vengeful nutso (Sondgress), and is forced to go on the run with a small-time crook (Wilhoite) who has a foul mouth and a bad attitude. Violent, sleazy thriller is as slow-moving as it is unpleasant, with a distinct lack of plot and rooting interest. The actors are caught either snoozing or gnawing on the set dressing, but at least the otherwise worthless script provides a long list of childish insults to repeat next time you have to retake the second grade: “snot-licking donkey fart,” “booger bits,” “dinosaur dork,” “scrotum-cheeks,” “butt-crust,” “dildo-nose,” take your pick. Worthwhile, however, for those who feel compelled to watch a woman in her early-twenties make a play for a man more than forty years her senior, or a car get shot through the window and explode.

15/100